Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Come with me?

Friends, Romans, Seekers, Spiritual Lovelies, Marrow-Makers, Ladies, and Gentleman....

It's a happy day and a sad day, as most transitions are, for better or worse.  And there should be some cute and clever way that I say this, and find a deep quotation to accompany it, and a gorgeous picture... but honestly, it's just a small thing in life.  Leaping from one blog host to another.  the end.  let's keep it in perspective, shall we?

Leaving my 1st blog home and moving over to....

http://marrowandmeaning.wordpress.com/


Come with me!  New things in store, freebies and organizers, marrow-maker reminder posters... lots of stuff to help bring meaning into your everyday life, in small and big ways.

Check in and let me know you're there!

Of course, you can find me tweeting an retweeting at Twitter.com.  @Marrow_Meaning

Peace, Blessings, and Bloggin',
JJ

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Never too early

     Thank heavens to betsy the weather is getting warmer, because it's time for me to get out and about with the camera! I've officially used that photo up there for every single post related to guidance.

     I wanted to share the ways children can help us awaken.  They are so close to the Source, there is no "stuff" between them and Spirit/God/Consciousness/Goddess/however you like to call that magnificent grace inside each of us.

    Following a fabulously soul-nourishing workshop with Tama Kieves titled Unleashing Your Calling: Create the Work and Life you Love, I began to commit to getting back in touch with my guiding inner voice and intuition.  On a side note, if you ever have a chance to attend one of Tama's workshops, run, don't walk.  For a few minutes every morning, I've been asking a question and sitting quietly with myself.

     This morning Miss Diva D happened to be awake with me so I invited her to join me.  Here's how it went:

Me: OK D, what we do is ask a question, like...
D: Can I watch a movie?
Me: Perfect.  OK, so we ask a question like "Can I watch a movie?" and then we close our eyes and listen for our inner voice. [Seriously, do you think I'm ruining this child for life or what?]  What does your inner voice say?
D: I love you!

That's all folks.  Your inner voice loves you.  From the mouths of babes.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Do you believe in miracles?

A short story...

I ordered a bathing suit online.  I've never weighed more (or cared less - another post in itself... body freedom!)

I ordered a bathing suit online, and they had 1 size left so I went for it.

I ordered the one size, online, and had enough discounts and coupons to reduce a $100 bathing suit to ...
$5.00

It arrived today and fit perfectly and looked great.


That, my friends, is something to marvel at!

Sunday, February 26, 2012

It's BIG! It's SOOO BIG!


   All this marrow business... did I ever tell you how it came about?  Pull up a chair... or a gardening kneeler.. HEE HEE!  (I am so GIDDY about gardening analogies right now... stay tuned for a couple weeks and you'll know why!)

“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practise resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms.” -Henry David Thoreau

     I'll never forget being hit between the eyes with "DELIBERATELY" and "SUCK OUT ALL THE MARROW OF LIFE" when I first heard that quotation.   How powerfully "And not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived" resonated in my very own marrow and stayed there through thick and thin, creating an overarching umbrella of protection.  Under the umbrella is forgiveness, not sweating the small stuff, being present, living respectfully on the earth... all these small acts that add up to deliberate, meaningful living.  

     That's what brought me to this blog... from trying to find new uses for yogurt containers rather than filling up landfills, to struggling through postpartum depression while trying to keep everything in perspective, to parenting mindfully, to living our best lives... this is all the marrow.  Dancing with the dishes.  Candlelit shower.  Electric Connections.

    It doesn't feel big enough.  Still all around me is petty drama, he-said she-saids, hyper amounts of energy all focused on .... dare I say... meaningless things? That's my judgement, and it's judge-y, but I mean it lovingly because gorgeous creatures and humans on the earth, I want you to feel the freedom I feel!  The glory of living in marrow, of bringing glitter and love and light to other people...

    With that, I'm moving BIG!  In the next few months, I'm preparing to launch a fabulous website aimed at nurturing one another... AT WORK! 
   There, I said it.  So much time... we are at work all the time, including our work as mommies and daddies, and friends and wives and husbands and daughters... and as secretaries and CEOs and waitresses and landscapers.... I had the BIG BANG of ideas about work and nurturing... so keep tuned to me... beautiful things are about to GROW (HEE HEE... more gardening analogies..)

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Ba-GOCK!!



    That's how my little idea feels.  Like a gorgeous tiny portaluca, trapped beside a giant immovable mountain of wood AKA "how things are done".  I have this fun idea, something involving changing the world from our various positions of leadership, something about connecting as humans for the eight to fifteen hours a day we spend in the work place, something about helping each other bloom and tending to our co workers like precious flowers... I have this seriously smart web designer lady who also is just so fun to bounce ideas off of, and she doesn't believe it yet but she's going to make my dreams a reality.  That is what I have been sitting on, incubating, taking blog time off and twitter time off to meditate, sketch, and nurture this little germ of an idea... feeding it, and looking at how so many roads may have led to this point.  Hmmmmm.
   

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Electric Connection



     One thing I love about my child's Montessori school is that lessons are often presented in silence.  At parents' night, the teachers demonstrated sample lessons to us, such as showing the children how to manipulate the infamous Montessori sandpaper tracing letters.  The humming energy and focus in the room, from a bunch of adults who already know their letters, I imagine, was palpable.  Silence is truly powerful.
     Last night my daughter discovered Travel Scrabble, AKA My First Choke Hazard.  Apparently tiny tile letters mesmerize two year olds.  As I tried to interact with her, she gently shushed me because she was doing "her work" ("works" are what the Montessori activities are called).  I sat beside her, both of us in silence, and an electric connection built.  Although I've often felt the "tingle" that comes when you're in the presence of another human being and decide to acknowledge their higher consciousness, the connection between my daughter and I felt like an electric hum, almost visibly twined between us.
     In the contented silence between us, I watched as she seemed to literally become a real kid before my eyes.  Busy, intent, doing her "work," needing nothing from me but my complete presence.
    Mamas and Daddies, try it! Spend 10 minutes in complete silence with your child, being present, completely utterly present, and see what builds!

Monday, February 13, 2012

The Big Pink Meltdown


    Granted, it was a risky move.  Take overtired toddler to Off 5th, the Saks outlet, during a snowstorm - but we all needed attire for The Best Engagement Party Ever coming up next weekend.  Now or never.  Do or die.  Armed with plenty of toddler apps in the iPhones, off we went.  Things started out great.  She was a doll face, helping mommy get in and out of the dresses.  She loved "fashion show".

    Then, she saw it.  The tulle-iest, pinkest, fluffiest, ballerina-twirly dress you can imagine, topped with pink frosted cupcake dreams and then covered in vomit of valentine's day.  It's the kind of dress I've avoided having in her closet since birth.  The dress that stands for everything I've tried to counter.  Unfortunately, my child has been brainwashed by sources that shall remain unnamed (GRANDMA!!!!) and well, she currently believes she is a "Boo-Tee-Fool Pincess".

    So, no harm no foul, we try the dress on.  She. won't. take. it. off.  She's hysterical.  My husband can hear her in the men's department.  This child has never taken to a "lovey" or a "blankie" but she is crying for this dress that Armani himself could probably hear her in the ivory fashion tower.  I finally managed to bribe her out of it by letting her carry it, when we were promptly physically assaulted by a dressing room guard who may have actually never seen a 2 year old before.  She made the error of grabbing it out of D's hand so the precious merchandise wouldn't drag on the floor.  Ever serene, I said "We're buying it!  Give it back, quick!" and snatched it out of her hand and swept D. up to carry her out of there.

     It was too late.  The dress had been threatened, the child was hysterical, the people browsing through racks of $1,421.00 dresses (I know because I accidentally tried one on) were trying to kill us with their eyes, and my knight in shining armor appeared.  He gathered all the mess out of my arms (2 puffy coats, 6 dresses, hat, scarf...) and in a past life, here's what would have gone down:

ME: "Where the f were you? Couldn't you hear her screaming? Why didn't you come sooner?"
HIM: "I was trying to find you"
ME: "Just take this crap and pay and I'll meet you at the car.  This is horrible. I can't believe I can't go anywhere.  Blah blahblahblalalalala.
Hurt feelings, blame, ire, pouting, and probably me grounding myself for a week with no ice cream would have ensured as well as at least 5 hours of silent treatment.

     This time, standing there with a hysterical toddler, surrounded by the Beautiful (thin)(rich) People and fully feeling like That Family, and That Frumpy Mom Who Would Never Wear That D&G Dress, I surrendered.  I looked at my husband and said, "I just don't know what to do right now".  And in that shockingly calm moment of realizing that on this journey of motherhood, I don't have the answers - I don't even have 1/5th of the answers - my mother's intuition took over.  I knew to whisper calmly in her ear, to explain to her all the things that were going to happen between now and when we went to the register.  The crisis was averted, somehow it worked out, and I certainly can't claim it was pretty, that people didn't stare, and that I didn't want to sink into a hole in the designer ground.  But that admission, "I just don't know what to do right now" was liberation.  Freedom.  Complete permission to try something, anything, to see the struggling little human in my arms and work through our Great Big Pink Mess together.

    I hope in my next overwhelming parenting/career/marriage moment, when I feel that complete panic arising, I'll be able to surrender again, which gives me complete control in the situation.  It's a magic white flag to wave!

Friday, February 10, 2012

I'm a Phenomenal Woman!!

    In liu of today's musings, I want to share with you a wonderful lady, Valerie, Proprietress of the Etsy Shop Discerning Chi-Chi.  The Shop is a visual delight, featuring "Jewelry and fiber accessories for the spirited, spiritual and elegantly feminine discerning chi-chi, for every day wear and special occasions. A range of designs to suit your mood and style - healing/inspirational gemstone for mind body and spirit, vintage inspired, shabby chic/country cottage, bohemian, rustic, dressy, whimsical, girly & more."  One delightful feature of her shop is healing jewelry infused with positive energies via Valerie's Reiki skills; I have my eye on this beauty, a wrap bracelet, featuring a goddess charm with the spiral of life symbol (HINT HINT).


    Valerie is also the writer/designer of one of my favorite cyber-space "happy places," Discerning Chi-Chi.  She recently posted recruits for a feature on "Phenomenal Women," based around the 1978 poem by Maya Angelou.  At first I felt hesitant to respond, after all, my whole blog revolves around being ordinary. But this poem resonates so strongly with me, that I was compelled to raise my hand and say "Yes! I qualify!"  


    Today, the end result of our collaboration is featured on Valerie's beautiful blog.  I am humbly honored to be among the ranks of her Phenomenal Women collection, and I urge you to absorb the majesty of the poem, and to raise your hand up too.  Because on our journeys, caring for others, bringing meaning to our workplaces, tending to our family members and friends, smiling at strangers in the supermarkets, holding the hands of those who need comfort... we are Phenomenal Women.  In our struggles, our peace, our core beings, we are Phenomenal.


Thanks, Valerie, for bringing this powerful piece into my life.




Phenomenal Woman
-Maya Angelou


Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me. 

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Ask, "Why?'


     Tailgating sends me into a tailspin of sort-of road rage (as much as I get road rage, which looks kind of like me pulling over and saying "Go ahead, I hope you get there on time").  Regardless, being tailgated seriously disrupts my flow.  I take it personally.  (Crazy, right?  Completely crazy.  How can we take ANYTHING personally, especially if it comes from a stranger that can't even SEE us?!)  I talk to them.  I'm like, "I can't go any faster than the person in front of me, buddy" and "Please, remove yourself from my bunghole immediately" and in some cases, I've called the aggressive driving hotline.

     Sick amounts of energy, huh?  The person behind me, as Elizabeth Lesser says, is just a "bozo on the bus" like me.  Their true self isn't the one aggressively tailgating; it's their Little Me who believes their destination is more important than the safety of other travelers.  That's not who they are.  They are a divine being trapped in a Scion.  Just like I'm a divine being trapped in a purple Mazda.  

     Same for the lady who cuts in line, stands too close, veers into my lane, looks at me cross-eyed, gives the cashier a hard time.... everyone has a bad day, but we tend to attribute that one moment to their entire personality.  "She's a bitch" we tell ourselves, or "How rude".  We don't know anything.  We've made mistakes, but we're not bad people.  We tell ourselves "I would NEVER do that and if I did, I would immediately apologize".  We only get so many thoughts in a day, and sometimes we really waste them with blaming, attributing negative traits, making assumptions.

     What if we spent that thought currency on inquiry?  Instead of "Get off my ass," how about "Why is he on my ass?"  Instead of "She's rude," how about "I wonder why she did that?"   Inquiry helps us hold the space for folks.  Maybe she cut in line because her kid is home with the flu and her mind is elsewhere.  Maybe he's tailgating because his boss said if he was late one more time, he's fired, but he had to stop in to bring groceries to his aging mother and now he's late again.  Are some people's Little Mes just aggressive and entitled? Absolutely.  Is it our problem?  Nope.  They're as worthy of our respect as any other living thing.  Asking "Why?" helps us recognize their divinity and humanity, all at once.  After all, we're all just "bozos on the bus".  Hold the space for your fellow clowns.

     

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Are You Okay?


    In my early 20's I was standing in line with a co-worker in line at Boston Market.  The person behind the register said or did something completely out of line or rude, I can't remember what, specifically.  I felt tension rise in me, bracing for my co-worker's retort and waiting for an uncomfortable public episode to ensure.

    My co-worker took a beat and then asked, "Are you OK?" with sincerity.  The cashier froze in her tracks, looked down, mumbled something and resumed her work, rang us up and off we went.  I commented to my co-worker, "That's not quite how I expected that to go".   She said, "Well, that's obviously not her usual state of being".  In my early 20's I could not even fathom what she was saying.  How did she know anything about that person?  Was my co-worker naive, believing everyone was inherently good?

     Years later, while I was going through a rough patch that I wasn't really publicly discussing, a close friend of mine started getting on my case about little things - not returning calls, being cranky.  I'm sure my friendship skills lacked significantly during that time, but I felt furious.  Of course, the friend had no idea that I was going through a rough time, but I wished she would have taken a beat and said, "Are you OK?" What a powerful way to open lines of communication, touch the human heart of another person, and break the hum-drum cycle of being offended/mad/blaming.

     Do you have a loved one who is acting out of character?  Do you have a loved one whose character is ornery, offensive, edgy?  Before taking offense, consider asking: "Are you OK?"  Awkward, probably... but taking a stance of inquiry ensures that you've taken the high road, and may give someone the bit of support they didn't know they needed.   I'd love to know if you try it, what happens.  Check back in!

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Big Trig



   That Blair Witch feeling.... (SPOILER ALERT) of making tremendous amount of effort and feeling like you're out of the woods and finding you're back where you started with no clue and no directions and in the dark... that's how I feel driving in unfamiliar terrain at night.  I can't see quite right, I know enough about the roads to make a decision but it's almost always the wrong one and typically I end up in a mall parking lot because well, this is New Jersey.

    So what?  It's an extra hour of my whole life, so I'll get home a littler later, but is it a big enough deal to warrant the insanity that ensues when I get lost? I mean, pull over at a gas station and ask the old fashioned way for crying out loud.

     But... being lost at night is a "Big Trig".  Someone implying (and they're usually not even implying, I'm just interpreting) that I might have done something wrong... BIG TRIG.  Two year old spitting at me... BIG, BIG, BIG TRIG.  The things that make us lose all our sense AND sensibility, make us go from zero to ranting lunatic faster than a Z3... the triggers that set all our ego-ridden, pain body filled, defensive, blaming, demon satan eyes ablaze.    

     Sometimes I wish the greatest spiritual leaders of our time would confess to their Big Trigs so that I could feel like their level of everyday serenity was more... attainable.  You want to know that Einstein had to learn his addition facts.  I want to know that the Dali Lama had road rage.

     Can paying more attention to our Big Trigs help us intervene somewhere between 2nd and 6th gear, before we start shooting laser beams out of our eye sockets?  I've started to take careful notes  -  literally careful notes, I keep a pad in the car - of times when I get looney toons.  The driving, but only at night.  The spitting, but only if we are late.  And lateness in general - if I'm not running early, I'm running psycho.

    So what?  There's not much time between Zen and Straightjacket in my world.  How best to remind myself to intervene, to come back to my breath, to get my vision straight?  Picture a Big Red Stop Sign? Recognize the physical symptoms?  Those are a couple of techniques I've taught in anger management in the past, and the physical symptoms thing is really, really helpful.  Knowing the signs is the first step to steering clear of the lunacy and putting the situation back into perspective.  

    My physical symptoms? I start talking out loud, for starters.  I mean, out loud to my dashboard.  My vision gets a little unfocused, my brain gets chattery, my jaw gets extremely tight.  If I can stop it there, I could head the whole thing off at the pass.  

   Next? Once you know, what do you do?  Tomorrow, more about asking the right questions in the right moments.

    And thank you for the well wishes - everyone around here seems to be on the mend.  

Peace.



Monday, February 6, 2012

Fighting Suffering


     A long awaited visit to my parents, and we all felt like garbage.  My little one hacked all night long, our hearts hurt for her.  My ears burned with some kind of infection, my poor husband wasn't faring much better.  He alternated between bringing her to the couch to sleep sitting upright, which relieved her symptoms, and bringing her in-between us in the big bed.  We weren't sleeping at all.  Each time we awoke to adjust her, I couldn't fall back to sleep easily.  I was really starting to get annoyed and have thoughts like "I'm going to be so exhausted tomorrow" and "It's going to be unsafe for me to drive her back home".  It was a long night, we all have them.

     This new process is arising for me though, probably motivated my by drive to reduce my medication.  When I start to suffer from general human condition stuff, the thought arises, "What do you know that can help you?"  After years of spiritual study, I ought to know something that I can translate into my core.  After all, spiritual teacher after spiritual teacher after spiritual teacher tells us that there is no need to suffer.  The first time the thought arose, "What do I know that can help you?" was during one of my big trigger times, being lost in the car at night.

     As I struggled to fall back to sleep, I remembered an exercise from Mindful Motherhood by Cassandra Vitean.  She prompts us to examine our experience sense by sense, to bring us into the present moment.  I am sure we then do something wonderful with that information, but I can't remember and I loaned out that delicious little book.  In the midst of coming back to the present moment, the thought arose, "You're suffering because you want to change the situation.  Your struggle is because you want something different right now."  It's the first thing every spiritual teacher teaches: Accept what is.

    I wanted to sleep. I wanted little D. to stop coughing. I wanted my husband in bed next to me.  I wanted to sleep through the night.  Wanting was causing my struggle.  There wasn't anything inherently wrong with the moment... all was quiet, my husband was happy to be cradling her like we did when she was a newborn, and my ears hurt but like, a 3 out of 10.  The only thing truly wrong was my desire for things to be different.

     When I viscerally understood that, I'd like to say the heavens opens, angels sang, my child was healed, and I was rewarded with a full night of sleep.  Nope - everything remained the same - but the struggle associated with it was lifted.  So I was awake.  OK.  So D. was sick - it wouldn't last forever.  So we learned our lesson - we'd give her Benadryl to help her symptoms tomorrow.  Everything is temporary, the highs and the lows, and everything is OK when we accept what is.  It doesn't mean we condone what is, only that we stop wishing things were another way.

   


   

 

Thursday, February 2, 2012

we interrupt this regularly scheduled programming...

... To care for one sick little two year old.  Universe wants us to have some down time!

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Little Sponge


     I explained to my little one, 2 years old, how a flower starts like so, then opens its petals like so, and blossoms into a big beautiful flower.  I folded my hands and slowly unfurled my fingers to show her.  She folded her hands and slowly unfurled her fingers so she could understand.  "Like this, Mama?"  and her tiny fingers blossomed into a toddler flower.

    Like this, baby.  Take a deep breath in the face of hardship.  Fold your hands into the cosmic mundra when you feel all alone.  Be brave.  Stand up for what you believe in.  Do it with compassion.  Be kind.  Keep your heart and eyes open; keep your third eye honed in on the world immediately around you.  Hold on to the beautiful energy radar you possess right now; never give it over in favor of wanting to please people.  Wear your monster jammies no matter ow much they tell you girls should wear pink.  Say thank you.  Mean it.  Be still, often, and listen.  Say "hello" to the moon every night.  Marvel at the stars.  Pause between actions, relish your life.  Be giving.  Be grateful.  You are worthy.

    See the human in all humans, even and especially ones you consider enemies.  See the life in all things, in the plant that's made of the same stuff tat you are.  Stay small, stay new.  Grow huge, be unstoppable. Believe that you can.  You can.  You already have.

     Like that, love.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

The Answer Is There


    It's hard to find, that small pink flower, that bright spot amidst all the tangles of tall grass and taller trees, all grown together in a maze of bramble.

     When you're tearing your hair out, or at the bottom of your heart with nothing to draw on, or when you've gone around the same U-Turn 16 times, literally or figuratively, or when your heart is broken, plans gone astray, or when the unimaginable happens.  When you are so far down/in/enmeshed.  When you barely see the road in front of you.

    At those moments, with our heads down, we sometimes say, "Everything happens for a reason," and sort of half heartedly hope that it will be revealed down the road.  We assure ourselves by reminding ourselves of the master plan or the grand scheme of things, convincing ourselves that the suffering is for a purpose and therefore, we can bear it.

     Tonight, I was driving around in circles with 42 kinds of technology failing me, dying to get home to my baby, way behind schedule, tired, hungry - not a big deal, just one of those human condition times but an aggravating one.  I felt old destructive behavior arise.  I felt ragingly angry, my Little Me/Ego just rarin' to go.  Blaming the world, yelling at my GPS (we do actually need to have a talk because that was ridiculously poor performance), becoming angry at other drivers...   Old patterns of feelings and thoughts.
 
    Then the Observer in me, the river of consciousness that is more and more available as the days go on, kindly stepped in and opened a tiny crack of awareness in me.  Through the crack, I was able to peer into the silly tiny mess I'd gotten myself into and take a half a conscious breath.  A word floated to the surface: "Why?"

   And the answer for my silly little situation arose to meet me.

    What would happen if we conjectured more often, in the midst of madness?

Monday, January 30, 2012

Biting, spitting, and hitting


     Don't some things just bring out the Demon Mom in you?  Personally, she can tantrum on the floor of CVS over some hideous unicorn Pillow Pet and I do a-ok, unruffled, picture of serenity.  She can spill oatmeal all over the front of my shirt on the way out to work and I can just sail through the whole part about ironing another shirt and being late for work and school without so much as a hitch or a hiccup.  Even the throwing-food-on-the-floor-when-there-are-starving-kids phase didn't phase me.  Neither did hitting once I figured out a little plan and stuck to it.  I was all, "Oh, this is a natural part of testing boundaries and development, it'll pass".

     Then comes spitting.  Holy Demon Mother.  The child is spitting.  In. My. Face.  On. Purpose.  

     And laughing.

    Nuh-nuh-no.  That sweet little yellow-clad nature child up there, spitting in my face and laughing?  It cannot be.  It doesn't fit into my picture of her, all ringlets and sunlight and sweetness and snuggles.  All tree hugging and co-sleeping and Mommy-is-my-idol.  Spitting? We don't spit on our idols!  Am I falling off the pedastal?  Am I losing rank?  Am I sucking at raising her?  

     Rationally, I am sure I'm doing a fine job.  She's a lovely child.  At 10:30pm at a grownup party when other 2 year olds are having completely reasonable meltdowns, Miss Bink is just sighing on my shoulder as we wrap her up to go home.  "I just want to dance," she breathes.  That's our meltdown.  Amazing.

     What is it about spitting (or fill in the blank with your own behavior of maddening choice) that completely, utterly unravels all the serenity parenting I've developed?  I go straight into crazy mode.  Is it because it's willful?  Because it's germy?  Because I'm afraid she'll spit on another kid at daycare if I don't nip it in its horribly spraying saliva bud?  

     Parents, teachers, people who know a kid... what unravels you and takes you from 0-60 straight out of the I'm-okay-you're-okay parenting zone?  Why?  How do you tackle those moments where a few conscious breaths are out of the question?

     I've been working on a  couple of solutions:
     
     1) Come up with a plan as soon as you cue into one of the things that turns you into the tazmanian devil.  A plan helps you stay calm.  A plan takes the reactionary component out of the picture. 

     2) Just walk away.  At least then my inner manic mama doesn't eat her young.  

     3) Plan a replacement behavior and expect it.  It's part of the plan thing.  Having a replacement behavior you can request - "Give hugs, not hits" or "Make fishy face, not spitty face"gives an alternative for them to learn, and gives you a minute to make silly out of serious.

     4)    Give your perspective.  It's totally fair to tell them how it makes you feel.  "Spitting hurts my feelings/feels icky/makes me mad" gives your child a chance to make it right.  

     5) Wig out an apologize later.

     6) Finally, remember that discipline means "to teach," and in such a framework, our job is to help children navigate these developmental, emotional phases safely.  

     Next time Demon Mom pops out, I'll try to snag a picture.  
     

Saturday, January 28, 2012

LOVING SHUT OFF SUNDAY....





Shut off Sunday... Enjoy!

Serenity Parenting


     .....And then they're gone.  All the agonizing! Cry it out or rock to sleep?  Baby sling or too much coddling?  Juice or no juice? Time out for hitting or talk about our feelings?  TV or no TV?  Co-sleeping or to each her own crib?  The list of parenting choices and their infinite varieties goes on... and on... and on...

    Beyond the list of parenting possibilities are the Advocates.  You have to let them cry it out or you're creating a life long insomniac.  If you don't nurse, you're ruining your child's changes of good health and secure relationship with you.  If you let them sleep in your bed, they'll be there until they're 48 years old.  I'm finding as I navigate the minefield of parenting possibilities that the possibilities are polarizing.  

     I'm wondering how I know that rocking my child to sleep is the right choice for every child, or every family.  I'm wondering how that mama knows that cry it out is right for my child and my family.  In fact, I'm wondering how I'll even know if rocking my child to sleep is right for my figurative second child, even if it was right for the first one.

     Serenity parenting, folks.  I haven't looked it up, but it's the phrase that floats to mind when I hear parents ripping each other to shreds over one another's choices.  Within limits of humane treatment, the rightt parenting choices feel right.  They feel right to you, your partner, and your child.  They do not cause you additional stress.  They give you a sense of inner calm, they give you what you need and what your child needs.  

     Let's do this - a serenity parenting village.  A village that says, "That choice sounds just right for you! How did you do it?" and "I love that idea, I'll add to my tips and tricks when we get to that bridge".  How about a village of parents supporting one another's unique lives and environments, offering love and guidance drawn from the pages of all our parenting dogma books?

Serenity parenting.  Parenting that feels right to adults and children.  

Friday, January 27, 2012

End-Of-Week-Encouragement

"If we do not want to change and develop, then we might as well remain in a deathlike sleep." 
-Bruno Bettelheim

“I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately, I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, To put to rout all that was not life and not when I had come to die, discover that I had not lived.” - Henry David Thoreau



   

    Next thing that happens to that plant up there?  IT EXPLODES.  I mean, it doesn't just shyly unfurl like a fern, and it doesn't seductively open its sweet bud to gradually reveal a full bloomed and fragrant rose... it just EXPLODES into a hundred thousand lilac-purple flowers, like magnificent purple suns on earth.  Like, WA-POW, in-your-face, I ain't got time for messing around, I-AM-HERE explosion of Being.

     Once upon a time, I had a bedroom of my own, before I was married, my early-20's, chandelier dripping, fuscia-accented, deliciously-linen-ed bedroom.  One wall was an alarming but at the same time soothing "hot lips" pink.  People felt strongly about it - loved it or hated it - but after 3 tenants (all male!), that Hot Lips Pink still stood.  And though I've moved on from that bedroom and that stage of life, I've always looked for a window into which to sneak that Hot Lips pink.  Even just a tissue box!

     Today in my new job, I finalized the details of the furniture for my shared office.  I waltzed into IKEA, only to find the darling desks I'd picked out for us in one of those amazing IKEA inspiration displays... with HOT LIPS PINK  as the accent wall!  I danced inside, texted a pic to my boss/officemate, and rejoiced at even the little possibility that I could be living the hot lips life again soon.

     I got back to the office and once again, that color elicits strong opinions.  Too unprofessional.  Too girly.  I could see my boss/officemate longing for it but hesitating to speak up.  So, I exploded into a hundred thousand hot lips flowers.  Like, I-AM-HERE exploded, made an executive decision, and tomorrow morning at 9am, I will start slapping the dark primer all over those walls in a glorious expression of femininity AND professionalism.

     Instant uplift: Ask for what you want.  Demand it.  We have rich people problems - celebrate them!!! "LIVE, LOVE, LAUGH AND BE HAPPY!!"

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Drugs and Reality





     Can we talk?  The original goal of this blog was to paint a realistic portrait of how spirituality can fit into the ordinary lunatic life we all live today, and how a normal, messy, flawed, not quite enlightened person can really draw the marrow from life even while juggling all the hats we wear, and all those cliches.

     Lately I am feeling awesome, more divinely and calmly in touch with consciousness, spirit, God, however you call it.  Lately, I have also been on anti-depressants for the first time in my life consistently.  I have no doubt that that tiny alteration to my sort of messy brain chemistry has lifted the fog I typically live under - not a depressed fog... a "I take in too much stimulation at one time" fog.  Sort of.  

     If you have experience with anti-depressants or related medications, have you also had experience weaning off once a crisis is over, or once you feel confident and more secure?  I'm curious to know if the analogy of the diabetic is a true one: If you have an imbalance, there's no problem in regulating it medically.  I have no doubt whatever is going on in my grey matter is real; I've experienced it since I can remember, before I had a "story".  I do however doubt that medication is the only real way to "workaround".  I truly believe there could be a way of living, and deeper practice, that could manage this beast.  Medicating it does not align with my values and doesn't feel right to me when I can almost visualize another way.

     So I'm curious to know - since we're talking about real life and I don't live on a mountain top (I do live at the bottom of the mountain, if that counts for anything):  If you have experienced the effects of some kind of imbalance, have you medicated them so you can move forward out of that mental state?  Have you found other workarounds?  Have you accepted it? Moved through it?  

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Teeny Tiny Freebie

     Happy Hump Day!  Click for a downloadable Marrow 'Minders (that's short for re'Minder, I am admittedly grabbing at alliterative straws here).  You can throw it in your car, tape it to your front door or nightstand, cut them out and put them in your coat pockets for unexpected little marrow treats.... go forth and breathe!

    Meanwhile, I am happily drowning in my new job and spending a little more time doing what this lady, the Simple Living Lady, tells me to do!


Blessings,
JJ

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Seeking Evening Marrow Makers!

feeling a little overwhelmed


    Heading in a new direction is oh-so-exhilerating.  Thanks to my Goddess Guidebook helping me pave the way with peaceful intentions, and a solo ceremony cleansing the way to move forward in peace... I had a slam-dunk, whiz-bang, do-i-really-get-to-design-the-entire-office first day at my new job.  Now I am all a-buzzy buzz, looking at office inspirations completely failing to follow my own advice!

     We talked about some 5-Minute Marrow Makers but quite honestly, I'm pretty dissatisfied with my evening rituals.  Typically I drink a cup of Tazo CALM tea with my honey and we dissect the day or just sit quietly together absorbed in our own books... but tonight I need something to help me come down off the day!

     Taking suggestions for evening rituals, evening Marrow Makers!

Monday, January 23, 2012

5-Minute Marrow Makers



     Get the family out the door.  Get yourself out the door.  Get yourself out the door with shoes that coordinate with your outfit.  Forgot the cellphone.  Can't leave the baby in the car.  15 minutes late.  Oh-what-a-day-already-and-I-need-a-vacation....

     How about a 5-minute Marrow Maker?  How about something you can pull off right in your car, in your cube, in your office, on the go, or in line at Starbucks?  How about tips and tricks you don't have to fit into your life.. because you already do them?


  • Candlelight Cleanse.  You have to shower.  You shower alone most of the time.  Turn off the lights and light a candle.  Even on the most hectic mornings, this tiny trick is like a day at the spa.
  • Starbucks Sweetness: Leave your cell in the car when you go into Starbucks.  While in line, take a 3-point check: What do you smell?  Hear?  See?  Starbucks are usually designed like a senses feast, but we rarely notice it.  Your latte will be so much more delicious after having anticipated it!
  • Car Kids:  What are the kids doing in the car on the way to school? Texting? Watching DVDs?  Is there a possibility this could be some quality time - a time to set intentions with them, or just to ask what they want from today?
  • Car Cruise:  I love Oprah's old Spirit Channel podcasts.  If you are mindlessly choosing the 9:30 Z100 phone tap... try a spiritual podcast instead.  They're thought provoking and usually put you in the frame of mind to work mindfully.
  • Twilight Tea:  Do you have that cup of coffee after work to plow through the evening? Choose a tea.  The sensual experience will be greater, bringing you closer to the present moment, and you will sleep better if you choose a delish decaf like Tazo Calm.
  • Goddess Goo:  Skip the sh!tty Suave discount lotions.  Dump them all and indulge in one, gorgeously scented, skin-friendly, paraben free body lotion.  You have to moisturize - why not treat yourself like a goddess while gooping up?
  • Night Nurture:  Instead of mindless flopping around Facebook (#1 culprit) the 10 minutes before sleep, set an alarm on your computer/phone/iCal to shut down the visual stimulation and open up something peaceful.  Create a stack of inspirational books, or a gratitude journal, and spend the time before bed invoking meaning into your sleep!
  • Dishes Dance:  Turn on something stimulating for your ears while you wash those dishes.  Keep a little iPod speaker on the sink so it's no big deal to throw on some sweet, soothing tunes, meditations, podcasts, or soundscapes.  Wiggle your butt around!
There are so many ways to bring delight to your everyday life, tiny ways to connect to the source - call it God, consciousness, presence, Being, Goddess... tiny Marrow Makers will bring you happiness and make you smile at the folks in line with you!

Sunday, January 22, 2012

A Ritual for New Beginnings

The Road More Traveled

    It's like the night before Christmas and all through the house... candles are burning, tea is brewing, and I'm preparing for a fresh start.  Tomorrow, I am giddy to announce, a new job awaits me.. just 20 minutes from my child's day care.  It would make sense to take some time and talk about my last job, but that's between me and the cleansing part of my ritual.  Suffice to say that I'm so excited to start a normal life.

     To boot, tomorrow is 1/23/2012, which begins the Year of the Dragon.  My mama gave birth to me in that year! 
     
     This is one ritual sequence I've used in the past, so I'm offering it to you in peace and with intention that if you are experiencing a new beginning, it will help you sustain the excitement of this time.

I gather the following: Salt water in a beautiful vessel, a candle and light, something green and living, some essential oil.  

1.        Cleansing - I use salt water, as I commonly have this around, sprinkling it on myself and the ritual space.
2.        Grounding - I walk the space, sensing the energy
3.        Creating a Sacred Space /Casting the Circle / Creating a   
      Vortex of Power & Protection - I usually light a candle, and I have a bowl of seashells I might use to create a circle, as they invoke the ocean, the great and constant washing away of the past.

4.        Calling on the Powers of the Elements and Directions.  I've collected:
    a.       East –air.  The smoke from the candle. b.       South—fire.  The flame in the candle. c.       West—water.  The salt water in a lovely glass vase.  I will likely use the snow outside, it's fresh! d.       North—earth.  If I can use actual earth, I would.  Right now I will have to borrow some from a nearby plant. e.       Space—sprit.  I use an essential oil, today it will be lemon, to breathe in cleansing spirit.
5.        Invoking the Deity or Deities.  I close my eyes and become still, sensing the energy in my body which is my connection to all things living.
6.        Statement of purpose / clarifying the intention of the ritual.  I say aloud, "Through this ceremony, I give myself permission to walk forward completely free of the past.  I open my eyes to the possibilities that tomorrow brings.  I walk forward in peace, not bitterness".
7.         The working
    a.       I will light a smaller candle for each of the blessings the new job bestows on me: Time with my family, etc.  I will pack my attaché for tomorrow with intent.
8.        Raising and Releasing the Power
    a.        I will repeat my intent, until I can hold the energy no longer and it is released into the Universe.  If moved, I will use Delilah's drum softly, but drumming does not usually feel authentic to me unless in a group.
9.        Centering Communion / Meditation
    a.        After the exhalation of releasing sit quietly and relax into ALL That IS b.          When one is completely calm and at peace you might softly hum OMM or Auuu—ommmmmmmmmm
10.        Ending the ritual
    a.        Thanking the Deity / Deities b.        Releasing the Powers by thanking them c.        Returning the circle to the mundane world by walking in a           counter clockwise direction

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Ever have those days?

Oops.
     Ever have that day when you try, you really try!?  I tried to balance quantity with quality: being inside with the family all day because of a snowstorm; writing in my Goddess Guide 2012; create fun snow day stuff for my darling girl; clean out the bedroom closet; run the laundry; organize myself to start my new job on Monday; relish a family nap; play in the snow; finish my e-course; learn to use the e-course website.

     Oops.  Looking back, I set myself up for failure there, didn't I?  I woke up full of ambition and when my husband had to spend most of the day shoveling us (and the neighbors) out... plans went to hell in a handcart and I couldn't seem to recover.  I spent the day seeking that little window of solitude and realistically, it wasn't going to happen.  I made myself suffer and started telling the old stories of blame ("If he would stop shoveling out all the neighbors, I could have a moment to write my e-course") and of my small life ("All I do is clean and take care of the baby...").  In truth, I love my husband for helping the neighbors, and I actually have a lot of time to myself usually.  "The Story" loves to find a chink in the spiritual armor, a low moment, and leap in to make sweet love to The Ego.  They attach themselves to each other like a clique of Mean Girls and eat your brains like Mean Girl Zombies!

     What's a Mama to do?  Go with the flow? Abandon daily goals when the wind is blowing the other way?  Just start drinking? Search the soul to see if any of the tiny Little Me voice has a grain of truth to it?  Bitchslap the Ego and send it packing?  

     Well, this Mama fought the flow, cursed a lot, slammed a door, and finally got over it enough to put the baby to bed in a peaceful, present, happy way.  All in all, we had some fun, made hot chocolate, played in the snow, mashed together some stickers and glue stick, built a fort, and watched Winnie the Pooh.  I'd say from her perspective, probably a successful day.  I managed a candlelight shower and a long nap with the whole family.  From Mama's perspective, I quote the ever-tenacious Scarlett O'Hara... "Tomorrow is another day".

     

Friday, January 20, 2012

Bad, Bad, Energy

Emotional Trash
   
    It's not uncommon - I'm sitting peacefully at Starbucks or somewhere between clients, daydreaming over a latte, or working on a project, and into my happy place creeps... bad energy.  Not mine.  Someone else's. I will start to hear people bitching and moaning about their jobs, or a customer complaining adamantly about something like coffee... and my own energy field shifts like WAM BOOM.  As soon as it creeps in, I can't get rid of it and I start to see it, hear it everywhere like that kid in Sixth Sense.  And sure enough, to the tune of "Bad Medicine," the next thing I know I have "Bad, bad, energy" stuck in my head and my day is completely ruined until I find an equally bad 80's tune to replace the song worm.  Also, if I hold my fingers in my hears and shout "amazing grace" at warp speed, I can usually get rid of the song worm.

    I digress.  When I visualize my peaceful energy field, it's soft.  It isn't a powerful bubble shield, like the iron wall that is a amniotic sac.  It's more like a simple soap bubble, easily popped (but so, so rainbow pretty when it's around!)  Other people's energy enters me easily, and I tend to have trouble shaking it.  I used to have a hard time managing at parties or around more than 2-3 people at one time because I couldn't sort through everyone's vibes at one time; it was like trying to attend to a conversation when 4 other secret conversations were also going on.  Mind chatter - mine? theirs?

     I have learned to manage in a crowd through presence, giving my complete all to the person I'm with at the moment seems to lift me out of the clutter.  I'm still learning how to hold space for strangers whose energy is stronger than mine.  I picture it like a big public game of pokemon.

     What's your strategy?  How does your paper beat rock?
   

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Intentional Living

Intentions help us blossom to our full potential!

    A bundle of nerves had settled itself comfortably behind my sternum for weeks.  The truth had begun to arise:  I had scored my dream job... and 6 months in, I hated it.  HATED IT.  Could not even move beyond the hate to get to a place of acceptance.  I did what every 35 year old woman on the verge of a job crisis does: I called my Mommy.

     My Mommy isn't just any wisdom-from-experience Mommy, she is a certified life coach who can size up a situation in 5 seconds flat and, like a fortune teller, usually give you just the little simple thing you need.  In this case, as I had turned my car around, heading in the opposite direction of my office and headed toward a new company run by old friends, she said: "What's your intention for this meeting?"
    How simple is that? I believed I was just running up there to buy them lunch and pick their brains about how to handle the job-hating thing, that my intention was to get advice from friends in the same field.  But when the question was posed in an explicit way, I realized: My intention was to gain a job offer from them.

    That simple question and the simpler answer changed the tone of the 4 hour meeting that followed, from what could have been a bitchfest into a productive, inspiring conversation about values and company culture.  During that conversation we agreed our values were aligned in service delivery, and at the end, after delicious sushi, bonding, and brainstorming... they offered me a job.  I start on Monday.
   
     After that, I started intuitively creating a bit of space before and between.  Before clients.  Between lunch and going back to work.  Between getting out of the car at the end of the day and coming inside.  A teeny space to set an intention for the next meeting, moment, greeting.  To greet my daughter in a way that _______.  To keep the meeting focused on ________.  What a powerful practice it has become - and even more, how powerfully it seems to shift the people around me.  When my intention is strong - for example, my intention in meeting with the school director is to create a better environment for my daughter - others come around.  In the meeting with the school director, she started out defensive, her ego and identification with the school method was very, very dominant.  As I gently stuck to my intention, the conversation shifted dramatically and suddenly, almost like a bubble popping, her ego seemed to vanish and we commenced a very productive, calm, and constructive solution-focused conversation.  Intention!

     Try this: Put a little post it note on the dashboard.  Create it with intention.  Write something on it that will remind you to give yourself the gift of space and intention between events.  On the back of my visor, it says "I am becoming the person I am".  This little reminder helps me move toward that goal a little more every day.  Post your post-it message, if you're comfortable, and let us know how it changes your day-to-day harried world!

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Celebrating and Releasing 2011



     On Facebook around, oh, Dec 31, I noticed a lot of good riddance to 2011.  It seemed to be, among my tribe anyway, a year that symbolized a lot of struggle, challenge, and frustration with the status quo - personally and globally.  On the other hand, it seemed to me that same frustration drove folks to find the road less traveled, to passionately forge new ground for themselves because it just wasn't working anymore.

    The categorizing of years by polarizing good and bad and meh doesn't quite jive with me.  It's convenient, and it's nice to have a date to revamp, revisit, and revise.  In fact, let's set a few, shall we?  March 24th.  Nov 5th.  Let's throw in Feb 15th too, it's really soon!  Let's use it though, because it's a common milestone and it resonates with people.

    As you may know, I happened upon this gorgeous manual for truly creating and manifesting the year of your dreams, driven by your Goddess self.  I've completely glommed onto the concept of the Goddess as the guiding light in life.  Through most of my own challenging 2011, one wild, scratching, biting, kicking, clawing, screaming, primal voice surfaced over and over, no matter how many times I tried to silence her.  I didn't see a way out of our situation anyway, so why honor the voice?  In the end, it was the voice of my inner woman, my Goddess, the force of creation, life, consciousness... the source of creation to which all those words, including God, point.  I can get on board with her.  She makes sense to me.  Which brings me to the Goddess Guide, which you can find here if you are interested in going the journey with me.

    I wanted so badly to dive into the now, the 2012 part, the leave all the rest behind, join the good riddance group.  Goddess Leonie has other plans for us, however.  She asks that we celebrate and release 2011.  How tedious.

    How liberating!  By posing some critical questions, Leonie helped me reframe the year into the gains, not the losses, and to be intentional about that which we would like to leave behind.  For me, I realized that the howling inner Goddess that landed me in the psych ward actually set all my limiting beliefs on fire, and that instead of being ashamed that I had to go there, I feel proud that I have a fierce fighting source inside of me.  I realized also that I want to leave the "story" behind... all the bitterness and blaming.  How can I bring it with me into this great future, which is unfolding this exact second?  All that seemed unfathomable is now true and glorious.  (Except maybe the school switch... we'll see how that plays out).

    The exercise of celebrating and releasing 2011 invigorated me, but I honored the heavy feeling that came over my hands at the end of the pages guiding me through that process.  I set aside the remaining 95 pages of the Goddess Guide, and will spend some time meditating and searing the lessons of 2011 onto my soul.


     Whether you join me via the guide, or via your own inner guide, share your thoughts about the gifts of the past year.