Skimming

Despite the recent focus to a) give out what I feel I'm missing in life and b) stay more present in the moment, if there is marrow in my days, it's going unnoticed by me. Clearly I haven't been practicing the put-out long enough for a return, and also I shouldn't be doing it for a return because then.. the focus is on the return. Basically I feel like I'm skimming the surface, me and the water bugs. I won't give up until I'm a tuna, at least. Or one of those bottom-dwelling things seen only on the Discovery Channel, with many eyes.

Sometimes I want to blame the lack of depth in my life on my surroundings, on living in a development in suburbia, being pregnant, having caved to all the standard "things" we have to have for baby that I swore I would not cave to... I do think when you live your life out of alignment with your authentic values, it's hard to access anything authentic at all. However, I also think it should be irrelevant - I am not where I live or any of those things, our identities lie outside of these trappings. The ironic thing about where I live though, is that for the most part everyone does identify you by your labels and things and trappings so it is extra hard to escape that.

Get me back to the beach.

I did read a cute tip: Yogurt containers - use them to plant seeds, and use the little plastic lids as the drip trays.