Breathe Me

"Breathing in, I calm my body
Breathing out, I smile.
Dwelling in the present moment
I know this is a wonderful moment"
-Being Peace, Thich Nhat Hanh

     My toddler is old enough to start practicing with me some of the teeniest little breaths inserted into the space between her very active activities!  Her mind is so open, her eyes so wide, so observant.  She picks up my phone and knows how to hold it, using her little thumbs like a stockbroker in the throes of a deal.  She holds it up to her ear and says "Hel-LO," walking and talking just like the busy adults around her.  She pointed out my eyebrows today.  I have no idea where she learned what an eyebrow is.  She sees everything.  She hears everything.
     I yelled at her for the first time.  I thought she would stop dead in her tracks, I've never raised my voice to her.  She didn't even flinch.  She didn't even look at me!  Feelings of dread and guilt washed over me - I never wanted to raise my voice to a toddler, who doesn't know better, who is there to be taught and who doesn't yet even know what disobedience is.  I decided I had to cultivate other strategies to have at my fingertips, and immediately this beautiful, simply, childlike quotation arose.  "Breathing in, I calm my body.  Breathing out, I smile.  Dwelling in the present moment, I know this is a wonderful moment".
     Early on, when she was tiny and I was experiencing post-partum depression, feeling overwhelmed and incompetent, when the simple act of changing a wriggly baby would reduce me to tears, I would repeat this quotation to myself and aloud to my daughter.  I wanted to be a happy mommy to her, and give her experience with calming breaths.  After a while, as I became a more fluent parent, I forgot about the quote.
    I picked up Being Peace and I can't remember why, but there in Chapter 1 was that darling little quotation again.  Like the spring breeze yesterday after the longest, snowiest, slushiest winter, that little quotation saved the day.  When I feel my temper rising, breathing in and smiling out mentally and physiologically bring me back to my daughter, who is doing exactly what she should be doing - testing me.  And now I feel like I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing - staying calm, loving her deeply while she pushes my limits, and showing her another way.
    Today in the midst of a "Get me out of this high chair now" screaming mimi fit, I said to her quietly, "Honey.. what do we do? Breathing in we calm our bodies..."  She came to a screeching halt, looked me in the eye like she viscerally recognized those words, and the tantrum was over.  Children know what adults have to rediscover.


     A couple other things I've tried to bring to her:   This morning, we also started family lovies as a Sunday spiritual practice.  Although we no longer attend religious services on Sundays, I wanted to set aside some time for family spiritual practice.  We held hands in a circle and each looked at the other and said, "I love you".  At night, in lieu of lullabies (she has finally caught on to my terrible voice and begs, "No, no no no mama no!" when I start to sing to her), we have started doing "Send loves".  "Send love to Grammy, send love to Nana..." Something I am looking forward to creating is a breathing corner.. a kind of spiritual replacement for Time Out - a place where all family members can go in the heat of the moment to breath, meditate, be in a calming space and come back to themselves.

    If you have a spiritual practice, how do you bring it into your family life?