My ego's name is Bueleh.
During a particularly trying, long conversation with one of the parents I work with, my ego just wouldn't sit on its haunches. "Down, boy, down!" I cried over and over, while the parent continued to criticize every. single. aspect. of a huge home program I'd designed. This parent had been very, very wronged. This parent had two children severely affected by autism. This parent was afraid. This was clearly not about me, but I simply could not still that horrible rising up that caused me to eventually snap a little defensively at the parent, "It really sounds like you think we might not be the best fit for your home program! Is there anything going right?" Not my proudest moment.
When I got home and told my mom (who we call the Dali Mama) about it, she said "Name it". "Angry, defensive, insulted!" I cried indignantly. "Your ego. Name your ego." "Bueleh," I said, instantly. I have loved the name Bueleh since I read it in a baby book. It seemed like a nice name to give such a big monster.
Funny thing - something with a name is much more manageable. "Down, Bueleh" and "Heel, Bueleh" go much better than "Hey pipe down you!" Bueleh lets me feel compassion for myself and my ego. Bueleh lets me recognize it as an entity when it arises. Bueleh is practically solid matter, whereas a nameless ego was an insidious, icky slime.
Sounds like I'm giving myself Divided Identity Disorder? Next time you feel that tension rise up in you in response to someone else, next time you feel yourself snapping or getting defensive or feeling offended or insulted, take notice of that tense feeling, where it resides, how strong it is. Give it a name. Watch it grow legs and walk away.
How do you keep your ego in check?
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