Don't some things just bring out the Demon Mom in you? Personally, she can tantrum on the floor of CVS over some hideous unicorn Pillow Pet and I do a-ok, unruffled, picture of serenity. She can spill oatmeal all over the front of my shirt on the way out to work and I can just sail through the whole part about ironing another shirt and being late for work and school without so much as a hitch or a hiccup. Even the throwing-food-on-the-floor-when-there-are-starving-kids phase didn't phase me. Neither did hitting once I figured out a little plan and stuck to it. I was all, "Oh, this is a natural part of testing boundaries and development, it'll pass".
Then comes spitting. Holy Demon Mother. The child is spitting. In. My. Face. On. Purpose.
And laughing.
Nuh-nuh-no. That sweet little yellow-clad nature child up there, spitting in my face and laughing? It cannot be. It doesn't fit into my picture of her, all ringlets and sunlight and sweetness and snuggles. All tree hugging and co-sleeping and Mommy-is-my-idol. Spitting? We don't spit on our idols! Am I falling off the pedastal? Am I losing rank? Am I sucking at raising her?
Rationally, I am sure I'm doing a fine job. She's a lovely child. At 10:30pm at a grownup party when other 2 year olds are having completely reasonable meltdowns, Miss Bink is just sighing on my shoulder as we wrap her up to go home. "I just want to dance," she breathes. That's our meltdown. Amazing.
What is it about spitting (or fill in the blank with your own behavior of maddening choice) that completely, utterly unravels all the serenity parenting I've developed? I go straight into crazy mode. Is it because it's willful? Because it's germy? Because I'm afraid she'll spit on another kid at daycare if I don't nip it in its horribly spraying saliva bud?
Parents, teachers, people who know a kid... what unravels you and takes you from 0-60 straight out of the I'm-okay-you're-okay parenting zone? Why? How do you tackle those moments where a few conscious breaths are out of the question?
I've been working on a couple of solutions:
1) Come up with a plan as soon as you cue into one of the things that turns you into the tazmanian devil. A plan helps you stay calm. A plan takes the reactionary component out of the picture.
2) Just walk away. At least then my inner manic mama doesn't eat her young.
3) Plan a replacement behavior and expect it. It's part of the plan thing. Having a replacement behavior you can request - "Give hugs, not hits" or "Make fishy face, not spitty face"gives an alternative for them to learn, and gives you a minute to make silly out of serious.
4) Give your perspective. It's totally fair to tell them how it makes you feel. "Spitting hurts my feelings/feels icky/makes me mad" gives your child a chance to make it right.
5) Wig out an apologize later.
6) Finally, remember that discipline means "to teach," and in such a framework, our job is to help children navigate these developmental, emotional phases safely.
Next time Demon Mom pops out, I'll try to snag a picture.
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