Ask, "Why?'

     Tailgating sends me into a tailspin of sort-of road rage (as much as I get road rage, which looks kind of like me pulling over and saying "Go ahead, I hope you get there on time").  Regardless, being tailgated seriously disrupts my flow.  I take it personally.  (Crazy, right?  Completely crazy.  How can we take ANYTHING personally, especially if it comes from a stranger that can't even SEE us?!)  I talk to them.  I'm like, "I can't go any faster than the person in front of me, buddy" and "Please, remove yourself from my bunghole immediately" and in some cases, I've called the aggressive driving hotline.

     Sick amounts of energy, huh?  The person behind me, as Elizabeth Lesser says, is just a "bozo on the bus" like me.  Their true self isn't the one aggressively tailgating; it's their Little Me who believes their destination is more important than the safety of other travelers.  That's not who they are.  They are a divine being trapped in a Scion.  Just like I'm a divine being trapped in a purple Mazda.  

     Same for the lady who cuts in line, stands too close, veers into my lane, looks at me cross-eyed, gives the cashier a hard time.... everyone has a bad day, but we tend to attribute that one moment to their entire personality.  "She's a bitch" we tell ourselves, or "How rude".  We don't know anything.  We've made mistakes, but we're not bad people.  We tell ourselves "I would NEVER do that and if I did, I would immediately apologize".  We only get so many thoughts in a day, and sometimes we really waste them with blaming, attributing negative traits, making assumptions.

     What if we spent that thought currency on inquiry?  Instead of "Get off my ass," how about "Why is he on my ass?"  Instead of "She's rude," how about "I wonder why she did that?"   Inquiry helps us hold the space for folks.  Maybe she cut in line because her kid is home with the flu and her mind is elsewhere.  Maybe he's tailgating because his boss said if he was late one more time, he's fired, but he had to stop in to bring groceries to his aging mother and now he's late again.  Are some people's Little Mes just aggressive and entitled? Absolutely.  Is it our problem?  Nope.  They're as worthy of our respect as any other living thing.  Asking "Why?" helps us recognize their divinity and humanity, all at once.  After all, we're all just "bozos on the bus".  Hold the space for your fellow clowns.