The Challenge: "Reconnecting With Your Bliss"

At least up to and through my 20's, I remember feeling intense highs and lows (non-artificially induced). I felt more wonder, more sorrow, more rage, more joy, and more love and gratitude at very deep, cellular levels. I didn't have the toughest skin and was very exposed and involved in all of life's little emotional nuances.

At this stage in the life game, I'm emotionally much more even-keeled, calm, and feel often like a water bug skimming the depths of a deep, deep pool. (Please note I did not say I AM emotionally even-keeled, just much MORE so than I was). I wonder how that feeling of detachment - almost like a veil - from the people and world around me developed. Looking out from inside the fishbowl, even just looking at my husband next to me or thinking of the baby inside me, there is an intense amount of unconditional love to be experienced.

I'm not clear why on most days, I keep it at a very shallow arm's length. Could it be that in the act of getting married and getting pregnant, I allowed two huge chinks in the armor and exposed myself to the possibility of sorrow beyond what I've ever imagined, and arm's length is a safe distance for me to be able to recover from it should I need to? Could it be that in my spiritual quest for peace, I've accidentally detached and mistaken it for inner peace? We have also uprooted ourselves 4 times in the last 2 years, and that could lead to some measure of detachment too.

The challenge for me, from now until when the baby comes (when I expect I will be totally unconscious for the first few weeks), will be to become more involved with the meaning of life. In the small things, like mindful eating, and the big things, like experiencing all the love offered to me right now (which is a LOT!). To "reconnect with my bliss," as Deepak Chopra says, but more importantly, to reconnect with not just the bliss, but the good, the bad, and the ugly. I'll be turning primarily to A New Earth, by Eckhart Tolle, because that book had a huge impact on my general state of mind and through it, I did briefly touch down in a land connected to the universe in general - and then quickly blasted off again to la-la land. I will also be using Deepak Chopra's Seven Spiritual Laws for Parents, because a) I feel like a spiritual baby again, and I like things broken down for me like I'm a 3 year old, and b) It's very pragmatic. I like pragmatic.

Do you have any recommendations? Favorite quotes? Authors, sources that changed your core being? Swimmies for spiritual deep waters?