Are You Okay?

    In my early 20's I was standing in line with a co-worker in line at Boston Market.  The person behind the register said or did something completely out of line or rude, I can't remember what, specifically.  I felt tension rise in me, bracing for my co-worker's retort and waiting for an uncomfortable public episode to ensure.

    My co-worker took a beat and then asked, "Are you OK?" with sincerity.  The cashier froze in her tracks, looked down, mumbled something and resumed her work, rang us up and off we went.  I commented to my co-worker, "That's not quite how I expected that to go".   She said, "Well, that's obviously not her usual state of being".  In my early 20's I could not even fathom what she was saying.  How did she know anything about that person?  Was my co-worker naive, believing everyone was inherently good?

     Years later, while I was going through a rough patch that I wasn't really publicly discussing, a close friend of mine started getting on my case about little things - not returning calls, being cranky.  I'm sure my friendship skills lacked significantly during that time, but I felt furious.  Of course, the friend had no idea that I was going through a rough time, but I wished she would have taken a beat and said, "Are you OK?" What a powerful way to open lines of communication, touch the human heart of another person, and break the hum-drum cycle of being offended/mad/blaming.

     Do you have a loved one who is acting out of character?  Do you have a loved one whose character is ornery, offensive, edgy?  Before taking offense, consider asking: "Are you OK?"  Awkward, probably... but taking a stance of inquiry ensures that you've taken the high road, and may give someone the bit of support they didn't know they needed.   I'd love to know if you try it, what happens.  Check back in!